When you first start going out with your partner, everything is dreamy, all-smiles and can’t-keep-eyes-off-each-other. Once you’re settled into a relationship, that’s when things start to change bit by bit. You get into a routine, it’s no longer “new”, and you start to easily see each other’s fault and get mad at them because you’re used to your partner being around. And BOOM, before you know, you’re in arguments and fights. Well, not if you follow these ten tips.
The KEY is communication
Yes, I know, you love it when your partner understands everything without having to tell. But, are you able to do the same? Both of you are human, and neither of you can read minds. So, before you get grumpy at each other, start TELLING. Express your feelings, be they positive or negative, it doesn’t matter. If your partner constantly checks their phone when together, tell that it bothers you. If you feel that your personal space within the relationship is being invaded, tell it. Tell what bothers you before your irritation piles up and it comes to a point where your anger is disastrous to both you and the relationship. If you’re unsure about what your partner said, get it clarified before you overthink and freak out or throw a fit. We always tend to think that because we love so much, we also KNOW our partner well. But in reality, just like you keep changing everyday, so does your partner. People change. It’s a universal fact. And in turn, your communication methods need to change too.
Taking your partner and your time together for granted is a serious mistake
Earlier, you were over the moon at every simple thing your partner did for you. Be it breakfast on bed, a hot coffee when it’s raining, you felt admired and loved. But now that you’re in a relationship, you know they are there always, and you have gotten used to these little actions. They are no longer surprising or catching your attention. But, this shouldn’t make you take them for granted. Be thankful for every little thing because the fact that your partner (still) attends to every little thing shows how much they care about the slightest things that make you happy and keep you comforted. You’ll only realize how much those behaviours have been comforting you and making you happy, until you miss them. So, be grateful and show your gratitude. A simple thank you and a small kiss on the cheek would do. It will tell your partner that you appreciate them.
Personal space is personal
As much as you love being together with your partner, it doesn’t mean it needs to be 24/7. To be clearer, it CANNOT be 24/7 because every individual needs time to be on their own, too. You need that time to finish reading your book, write your diary, or just sit somewhere and think, or do nothing at all. It’s just that every one of us needs that time just for ourselves. And when whoever tries to invade that personal space, things start to get irritable and the relationship feels like limiting and taking your freedom away from you. Before you know, you feel that you need to get out of that suffocating relationship. It’s a simple thing that you have to do to avoid ruining your relationship. Just let your partner be when they need it, and make sure that you get your own “me-time” too. Not being together 24/7 doesn’t mean you love each other less, it means you love each other more than you think!
Share hobbies, but have your own things too
You might not love playing PUBG like your partner, and your partner might fall asleep at the first page of a novel while you’re a bookworm. And you know what, that’s perfect! A relationship doesn’t depend on how similar your interests are, contrary to popular belief. Differences make a beautiful relationship. You can always take cookery or dance classes together. And when you come home from your pottery class, you can bring a tea cup made by you just for your partner, while your partner will start maintaining a bonsai tree to beautify your garden.
Admit when you’re wrong (or when they’re right)
A little bit difficult for some people, yes, but you need to practise this habit if you’re going to be in a serious relationship. If you know you’re doing something wrong, apologize and stop doing it. If you realize afterwards that you did/said something bad,make sure you apologize. If you don’t, that’s only being immature and a jerk. And if you do, you’ve matured, and you’re good to be in a long-lasting relationship. Further, if you realize that what your partner has been telling is the right thing, tell them. Doing so will not only boost their self-esteem and self confidence, but also they’ll respect you more.
Trust your partner
Previous relationships that didn’t prove to be happy might have made you unable to trust people. But, don’t let your past ruin the good things you’ve got in the present. Don’t imagine or overthink about stuff and accuse or hurt your partner. If you find yourself continuing to do so however much you try not to, talk your heart out with your partner and consider therapy.
The past is in the past
It’s normal to be in fights from time to time. But, as a couple, you discuss the issues, find a solution and move on. That’s good! But, what you should never do is, referring to past mistakes of your partner and guilt-trip them, because you’ve already moved past them. Just because something happened once, doesn’t mean it will repeat. Learn to let go, or you’ll be stuck in the same place in the relationship, ultimately reaching a point where the two of you won’t be able to be together anymore.
I have been a passionate reader, writer and language learner since a child, and I ended up graduating from University of Peradeniya with a BA (Hons) in English. I am also a JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test) Level N2 holder. I have 5+ years experience in content writing/editing, and also 5+ months experience in official/business translation in Sinhala Japanese and English Japanese.
Anyway, the boring stuff aside, during my free time, I sing, play a little bit of guitar, read, draw/paint, bake and play video games.